Pride and Prejudice — Chapter Thirty-Six (Abridged)

Elizabeth had not expected Mr. Darcy's letter to ask for her love again, but she also had no idea what it would actually say. She read it quickly, feeling many different emotions at once. At first, she was amazed that he thought he could explain himself at all. She was sure his excuses would only make her angrier. When she read his account of what happened between Bingley and Jane, she did not believe a word of it. His tone was proud, not sorry.

But when she reached the part about Mr. Wickham, her feelings changed. If what Darcy wrote was true, everything she had believed about Wickham's good character was wrong. She felt shocked and even afraid. "This cannot be true!" she said to herself. "This must be a lie!" She finished the letter quickly, barely understanding the last page, and put it away, telling herself she would never read it again.

But only a minute later, she opened it again. This time she forced herself to read slowly and carefully, especially the part about Wickham. The early details matched what Wickham himself had told her. But when she reached the part about the church position, the two stories were completely different. She could not decide who was lying. She thought about it for a long time, weighing every detail, but she had no real proof either way.

She had never actually known much about Wickham's life before he arrived in Hertfordshire. She realized she had trusted him simply because of his charming face and pleasant manner, not because she truly knew his character. She tried to remember one clear example of his kindness or honesty, but she could not think of any. Then she remembered that Colonel Fitzwilliam, whom she trusted completely, could confirm every detail in Darcy's letter. She almost decided to ask him directly, but she realized Darcy would never have suggested this if he were not certain his cousin would agree with him.

She also began remembering their very first conversation, at her uncle's house. Wickham had shared very private, personal information with her, a stranger, on their very first meeting. She had not noticed how strange this was at the time. She also remembered that he had once said he was not afraid of Mr. Darcy at all — yet he had carefully avoided the Netherfield ball the following week. And he had only told his story about Darcy after the Bingleys had already left the area.

Everything about him now looked different. His interest in Miss King now seemed clearly about her money, not her heart. Elizabeth grew ashamed of herself. "How badly I have behaved!" she cried. "I always believed I was a good judge of character, but I was blind. It wasn't love that fooled me — it was my own pride and vanity. I liked being admired by one man and being insulted by another, and I let my feelings replace good judgment. I never truly knew myself until this moment."

Her thoughts moved on to Jane and Bingley. She read Darcy's explanation of that situation again, and this time it seemed much more reasonable. She remembered that even her own friend Charlotte had always doubted that Jane's feelings showed clearly. She could not deny that Darcy's words about her family were also true and fair, even though they were painful to read.

After walking for two hours, tired and worried about being away so long, Elizabeth finally returned home. She learned that both Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam had visited while she was out. Darcy had stayed only a few minutes to say goodbye, but Colonel Fitzwilliam had waited nearly an hour, hoping to see her. Strangely, she felt no real disappointment about missing him. Her mind was completely full of the letter, and nothing else mattered to her just then.